Javik the Jerk and the Friday Morning Routine
by Amberstar of Thunderclan
Summary: We all have those days...


Shepard's door was before him. The last Prothean stood, arms crossed, preparing him for the challenge set before him. A task of such notoriety, most of the crew were terrified of it. It was constant war to not be the first up in the crew deck, because that was how you were chosen. Javik supposed that, in a way, he deserved to be served this degrading task, as punishment for letting his vigilance slip.

Garrus, that Turian who was always at the Human Commander's elbow like some sort of guard dog, had noticed her lack of sleep, and worried it would affect her performance. he'd suggested certain days of the week where the crew of the ship were allowed to wake later than usual, to make up for it.

One of those days was Friday. Before the new schedule, Shepard had always been crankiest on Friday, and even Javik had known better to lay off the 'primitive' jabs, because really, one wrong word to her could send you to certain death on that one day of the week. But now that she was allowed to sleep in on Friday...

A good solder got up at the appointed time. There was always that one day of the week it sucked the most to get up. For Shepard, it was Friday. The first time, she'd slept so late, they'd wondered where she'd gone off to. Without an appointed time, she just slept on.

And on Friday, getting Shepard out of bed was war.

"I fail to see the point of this task." he muttered. How far the mighty had fallen.

"Easy for you to say; you haven't done this three weeks in a row." The Turian pointed out from where he hid in the elevator. He could sense the primitive's satisfaction; he was clearly enjoying this. "Now, she'll hate _you_ instead of _me_."

And there was the side effect. Shepard had a certain way of glaring, a way that unsettled even him. That silver-blue Shepard glare was one that promised death with the fury of a thousand suns. He snorted in contempt. This whole routine was ridiculous!

"Remember, just throw her out the door it you have to. Wrex did that once, it worked wonders, still got the footage. Except he's Wrex, and your the newbie." another 'helpful' comment.

"Don't you have something to calibrate, Turian?" he snapped.

"You're stalling. Scared?"

That was it.

He stomped into the room. All was quiet... except for the fact that despite being a female, Shepard snored like a Thresher Maw. He made his way over, looked for something to bang on, an settled for slamming a cup violently down on the coffee table. Shepard jerked with a snort, head raising slightly, silver-blue eyes narrowed to slits. She caught sight of him, groaned, and threw her pillow over her head.

"This is irresponsible behavior for a Commanding Officer! Get up!" he snapped. One pajama-laden are raised, and she made a gesture at him he was pretty sure was an insult. He marched over, tor the covers off of her, gripped her by her pajama'd ankles, and pulled.

She moaned, gripping the headboard.

"It's cruel! It's unusual! It against the constitution!" she cried.

"We are at war! There is not constitution!" he snapped. Her grip on the bed was surprisingly strong. he gave up trying to pull her off, and instead gripped the mattress with both hands. With a little assistance from his biotics, he flipped it over onto the opposite floor, the Human giving a startled yelp as her bed was upended.

Javik brushed his hands off, and strode out of the room.

"Get up." he snarled once more at her as he made a hasty exit, that silver-blue glare peeking over the edge of the mattress.

"I will end you!" she hissed after his departing backside.

* * *

 **LoL. Javik le Troll.**

 **I was torn between this and Grunt. it would have fit better for the Christmas season, but there were two votes for this and only one for Grunt.**

 **Anyway: Urdnot Grunt and the Frabjous Snow Day. Urdnot Wrex and the Legend of the Pizza Fairy, Ashley Williams and the Smelly Surprise, James Vega and the Runaway Hamster, or Kasumi Goto and the Pink Fringe Incident. That last one is a total Garrus Troll, in case it wasn't implied enough.**

 **And while you're all waiting for the next installment in my series of glorious one-shots, go check out my long-term fics. I write a lot for Destiny, but How to Be a Rogue is my mainstream Mass Effect thing, if you want to check it out. I fin the lack of good AUs in this fandom... disturbing. I wanted to read an AU where the Lazarus Project failed, and Garrus took over. Couldn't find any. So I did what many a fic writer have done; I couldn't read it, so I wrote it myself.**

 **Ta-da.**

 **Vote up!**

 **And without further ado, read and REVIEW!"**


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